2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
