Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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