drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
