She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
