Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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