Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
