strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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