If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
