tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
