He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
