HIV tests are more positive than that guy
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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