she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
