I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
