haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
