Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
