All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
