About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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