Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
