Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
