Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
