It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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