fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
