I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
