The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
