you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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