happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The Olympian is in my bed
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
