lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I lost the right to judge tonight
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
