I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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