How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
