You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Less talking, more tequila
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
