..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Everclear isn't food dammit
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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