If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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