Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
