He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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