Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
