if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
