Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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