This is not my ceiling
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
