The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
