saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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