Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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