A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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