I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
