what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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