i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Houston, we have a blender
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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