My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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