why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
