why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
We need to get me chipped asap
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