the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
