Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
you didnt know i had herpes?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
