My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
