Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
