Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
