if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
