And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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