Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize