did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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