Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
