ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
