Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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