Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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