She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
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I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
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He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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