he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
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I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
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by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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