Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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