Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
my sisters under your porch take her home
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
