So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
