if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
