I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
