what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Randomize
