Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
