yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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