32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
