I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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