watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
