I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
