If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
