He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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