You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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