I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
