Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
