Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
