never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
