Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
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