People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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